Health and Happiness (Tegoshi x Yamapi)

2008-02-28T04:54:54Z

Title: Health and Happiness
Pairing: Tegoshi x Yamapi
Lenght: One-shot, 3512 words
Rating: PG
Genre: Drama, romance
Author's Note: This is not my first fanfic, but it's the first one I managed to finish. It was betaed by the lovely sutefaniidesu , so this is dedicated to her! ILU! ^__^

“I’m worried about Tegoshi.” Yamapi said, looking at each of his band mates’ eyes. Except for Ryo, who wasn’t looking at him. He was reading a magazine – or he was pretending.

Since both Koyama and Massu were too stunned to say anything, it only left Shige to be the one to ask.

“Why?”

Yamapi took a deep breath. He didn’t know when it started exactly, but he noticed a few changes in Tegoshi. The boy wasn’t hyper and sparkling like he used to be. He stopped singing out loud in the dressing room. Sometimes Yamapi would catch him staring blankly at nowhere in particular. But the worst part was that Tegoshi was getting too skinny. Since he started observing him, Yamapi noticed how little Tegoshi would eat. There were times when he wouldn’t even eat anything all day. That was definitely strange, Yamapi thought. He was worried, but he felt there was nothing he could do, so he just kept on watching him from afar. That was until Tegoshi fainted during one of the rehearsals for the concert. Yamapi wanted to discuss with the group, so he asked them to arrive a bit earlier, and Yamapi surprised them and even himself for actually getting there on time.

“I’ve been watching him for a while and he’s different from what he used to be. He doesn’t sing out loud anymore, or play with us. Did you guys also notice anything like this?”

“Now that you mention it…” Massu said, pensive. “He’s been refusing my invites to go karaoke. And he doesn’t call me often like he used to.”

“He stopped sending me text messages!” Koyama whined. “Tegoshi used to send me at least three everyday, but I haven’t gotten any recently.”

“Yeah, neither have I.” Massu agreed.

“Besides that, there’s also the fact that he fainted that day, remember?” Yamapi added.

“Eh? Tegoshi said it was because of fatigue, didn’t he?” Koyama asked nervously.

“I don’t think it’s only that. He hasn’t been eating well. If you look at him, he’s as thin as a stick.”

They were silent for a moment. Yamapi turned to Shige.

“What do you think?”

Shige thought a bit before answering. “That kind of behavior is really strange coming from Tegoshi. Maybe he has a family problem… or he’s sick.”

“Sick?!” Yamapi, Koyama and Massu said at the same time. For the first time Ryo looked up from his magazine and stared at them.

“Do you think he has like… depression?” Yamapi asked Shige.

Before he could say anything, Ryo said, “Idiot. It takes more than that to be depressed. Besides, this is Tegoshi we’re talking about. For him to get depressed requires a very deep problem, and I doubt that’s the case.”

They all stared at Ryo, stunned.

“Then what do you think it is?” Yamapi asked.

“I don’t know.” Ryo opened his magazine again. Yamapi got angry by that.

“And you don’t care?”

Ryo closed the magazine, now looking pissed off.

“I do care. Just not sure what do you want us to do. Tell him to sing out loud? Tie him up and shove food into his mouth? What?”

Yamapi glared. “How about talking to him and trying to help. You know, those things friends do to each other. But apparently that’s too much to ask from you, isn’t it?”

Ryo didn’t say anything else. He and Yamapi kept glaring at each other. The other three were too afraid to intervene, so they just held their breaths and waited. That was until a voice was heard from the door.

“Eh, everyone is here already? Looks like I’m late today.” Tegoshi closed the door and headed to where his band mates were. Yamapi observed him. He wanted to question Tegoshi about his behavior, but the argument with Ryo left him quite angry. He needed to be calm before talking to him.

Tegoshi’s little smile faded when he saw his friends staring at him, some looking worried and others pissed off.

“Um, were you discussing something about the concert?” Tegoshi took a seat next to Koyama, worried. “I’m really sorry I was late. It won’t happen again, I promise-”

“It’s ok, Tego-nyan. We weren’t talking about the concert. Just… random stuff.” Ryo smiled. “Right, Pi?”

Yamapi glared at him before turning to Tegoshi. “Right. Let’s just do our best today, ok?” He smiled to the other three, signaling them to do the same.

“Ok!” They all said.

Then everyone started getting up and dispersing through the room. Yamapi was the only one still sitting on the couch, his eyes on Tegoshi again. Something bothered him since Tegoshi arrived.

“Why aren’t you looking at me in the eye, Tegoshi?”

* * *

The rehearsal was almost over and everything seemed to be doing well. It was time for Tegoshi’s solo part, so Yamapi went to find a place to sit and watch, like he usually did. As soon as he took a place, someone from the staff called him to discuss a few things from his own solo. Yamapi reluctantly got up and went to talk to the person in charge. While they were talking, Yamapi took a few glances at Tegoshi to see how he was doing. It was during a moment when Yamapi wasn’t looking that it happened.

A thump sound, followed by a rush of voices. Suddenly a mass of people was surrounding Tegoshi and calling his name. Yamapi barely had any time to think. He ran to where the crowd was and after brushing past a few people he managed to get close to Tegoshi. He couldn’t believe how angry he was with himself, as he was supposed to be watching him.

After a short moment, Tegoshi woke up. Koyama, who was almost on the verge of crying, kept asking the boy one question after the other.

“Tegoshi, are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere? Do you want us to call a doctor? Do you-”

“Shut up, Koyama.” Ryo barked. He was just as worried as everyone else, but tried to hide it. “Let the boy breathe.”

“I’m okay, guys.” Tegoshi smiled, embarrassed. “Really. I think it’s… I’m just tired, that’s all.”

He tried to get up but Massu and Koyama immediately went to help him. Someone from the staff brought a chair and they made him sit and rest. Shige handed him a bottle of water. They were all trying to do something for Tegoshi, even though he assured them he was feeling fine.

Yamapi remained silent during the whole time. Tegoshi was lying, he wasn’t fine at all. Why was Yamapi the only one who noticed there was something wrong with him?

Determined to find out the truth, Yamapi got close to where Tegoshi was, posting himself directly in front of him.

“Tegoshi.”

The boy looked up, looking terribly pale. “Yes, Yamashita-kun?”

Yamapi studied him a bit before asking.

“Did you eat anything today?”

Tegoshi blinked. “Eh?”

“You heard me. Answer me.” Yamapi crossed his arms and waited.

To his surprise, Tegoshi smiled at him. “Of course I did, Yamashita-kun. I even sat next to you at lunch, remember?”

Yamapi blinked. “Oh. Right.”

They stared at each for a while. Yamapi noticed the other members were looking at him confused, so he shrugged.

“Fine.” Then he turned his back and walked away.

Yamapi wanted to kick himself. He indeed had forgotten about lunch that day, but that didn’t change anything. Yamapi was still sure Tegoshi was sick and wouldn’t admit it.

After that incident, Yamapi felt like Tegoshi became even more distant from him. When the whole group was in the same room, Tegoshi would most likely be around Koyama and Massu. He didn’t talk or look at Yamapi, unless Yamapi started the conversation. And even so, Tegoshi would only speak the essential and then walk away.

Yamapi was getting angry and frustrated. It was like Tegoshi was shutting himself in a shell and not letting anyone get near. And since apparently Yamapi was the only one who cared, he felt he needed to do something before it got worse.

That’s when he thought of doing a discussion with the others about Tegoshi.

* * *

“Pi.”

“…”

“Yamapi.”

“…”

“Oi, Yamashita! Are you listening?”

Yamapi snapped out of his thoughts. He looked at Ryo.

“Um, sorry. What?”

“The staff brought our lunch. Come on.”

Yamapi followed Ryo to the other room. They placed themselves around the table and started opening the bento boxes.

“Where is Tegoshi?” Yamapi asked, noticing his absence.

The others blinked. Koyama turned to Massu. “Didn’t you tell him to come?”

“I did. He must have forgotten.” Massu looked at his bento, feeling his stomach growl intensely. “Can I eat now?”

“No.” Yamapi rested his back on the chair and crossed his arms. “Let’s wait for him.”

Koyama called Tegoshi’s name hoping he’d show up soon as he was also hungry. He was about to get up to go search for him when Tegoshi entered the room.

“Oh, were you waiting for me?” Tegoshi looked completely oblivious. “I’m not hungry, so you can start without me.”

Those were the magic words that made the group start eating without hesitation. Except for Yamapi, who had not moved from his seat. He watched Tegoshi sit on a chair with his back facing them and play with his cellphone. That was it, Yamapi thought. This was the chance that he had to confront Tegoshi and show everyone he was right.

Yamapi waited for a moment when no one was talking and said, “Tegoshi, come here and have lunch with us.”

The others looked at Yamapi confused, while he waited for an answer.

“I said I’m not hungry.” Tegoshi didn’t even move.

As Yamapi expected that, he continued. “And I said, come here and have lunch. It’s an order.”

At this point everyone had already stopped eating, afraid of what would come out of that discussion.

Tegoshi flipped his phone and sighed. “I don’t want to.” He said slowly.

“Stubborn kid.” Yamapi was about to reply when Ryo cut him.

“What’s the problem, Tego-nyan? The food is not that bad, I assure you.” Ryo glanced at Yamapi, looking like he understood the situation. Yamapi was incredulous. He made a note to self to thank Ryo later for backing him up.

“Tegoshi, come on.” Yamapi called again.

Suddenly the younger boy stood up and turned around, looking directly at Yamapi. His eyes, rather than anger, were filled with sadness.
Without a word, he grabbed the jacket from the chair and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

The NEWS members were paralyzed for a few seconds, until Yamapi jumped to his feet.

“I’ll bring him back.” He said before leaving the room.

Yamapi ran through the corridors in search of Tegoshi. After a few minutes, he finally spotted him walking near the bathrooms. Yamapi sped up and started walking right behind Tegoshi. It didn’t take long before Tegoshi noticed he had a stalker.

“Stop following me.”

“No.”

“Go away.”

“No.”

Tegoshi stopped. Yamapi did the same, watching what he’d do next.

“What do you want, Yamashita-kun?”

“I want to help you, Tegoshi.” Yamapi approached the boy and put his hand on his shoulder. “Tell me what’s wrong, please.”

Tegoshi slowly turned around to face Yamapi. He looked so broken and sad that Yamapi wanted to hold him.

“You can’t help me.”

That was the limit of Yamapi’s patience. When he noticed Tegoshi was about to walk away again, he grabbed his wrist and pushed him into the wall, so he wouldn’t run away.

“Wrong!” Yamapi slammed his other hand on the wall near Tegoshi’s head. “I can and I will help you, so talk to me.”

“Let me go!” Tegoshi was struggling to free his wrist, but Yamapi’s grip was too strong.

“Tell me.”

“Yamashita-kun, seriously, you’re hurting me.” Tegoshi cried. Yamapi softened the grip but didn’t release him.

“I’ll let you go after you tell me what’s the matter with you.”

Tegoshi glared at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine!”

“You are not fine. What was that about earlier? You’ve been refusing to eat, not to mention you are as thin as a stick.”

“That’s none of your business.” Tegoshi said rudely, looking away from Yamapi.

“It is my business when it affects our group, Tegoshi. Have you forgotten you fainted during a rehearsal? What if you fainted in the middle of a concert, huh? What do you think would happen?”

The look Tegoshi gave him was the most heartbreaking he’d ever seen.

“So you are worried about NEWS, not me?”

Yamapi’s mind froze.

“No! That’s not what I meant.” Yamapi paused, breathing hard. “Tegoshi, I’ve been worried about you for weeks. I’ve been watching you. I’m worried about your health and behavior. You are not yourself lately, you barely smile or laugh, you stopped going out with Massu and the others, and… lately you’ve been avoiding me at all costs.”

“And it hurts me.” Yamapi thought bitterly. He released Tegoshi’s wrist and put his hand on his shoulder.

“I miss you, Tegoshi. It kills me when I see you getting sadder and weaker each day. All I want is to see you smiling again, so please trust me.”

Yamapi had to hold the urge of kissing the boy right there. He didn’t know when he started to get these feelings, but he had come to accept them. Yamapi was in love with Tegoshi, but he was afraid that if he told him, it would scare the boy away. So he decided to keep it to himself.

Tegoshi didn’t say anything. To Yamapi’s surprise, he lifted his hand and touched the side of his face. Yamapi held his breath. He felt his heartbeat racing, and tried his best not to move.

Tegoshi was slowly moving his hand down. When it touched Yamapi’s lips, Tegoshi looked into Yamapi’s eyes. The boys stared at each other for a second, until Tegoshi retracted his hand. Yamapi saw his face looking terrified, like he had just realized what he was doing.

“Ahh, Yamashita-kun, I’m s-sorry… I didn’t…” He couldn’t finish his sentence because he started to cry.

Yamapi didn’t need to think twice. He hugged Tegoshi tight and patted his head, waiting for him to calm down.

Tegoshi eventually calmed down, but they remained holding each other in silence. Yamapi was somewhat relieved that no one had passed through that corridor, as it’d have been an awkward scene to witness.

“Yamashita-kun…” Tegoshi’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Yamapi retreated a bit so he could look at Tegoshi. He seemed to be better, despite the red eyes.

“Yes?”

“Can… can we talk after the concert tonight?”

Yamapi just stared at him. Tegoshi looked down, blushing.

“I don’t want to trouble you anymore, so… let’s leave this for later, ok?” Tegoshi pleaded, hopeful. “Please, Yamashita-kun.”

“Fine.” Yamapi agreed. “But you’re going to have lunch with me now, because I’m very hungry!” He added, smiling.

Tegoshi laughed, making Yamapi’s heart skip a beat. He held Tegoshi’s hand and conducted him back to the group’s room. When they got near the door, Tegoshi removed his hand from Yamapi’s. Yamapi looked confused but didn’t say anything, and proceeded to open the door.

“Look who’s back!” He announced when they entered the room. The others looked at them curiously.

Tegoshi approached them a bit timidly. “Sorry about earlier. I won’t do that again.” He looked down feeling embarrassed.

Ryo smiled at him. “It’s okay, Tego-nyan. No one’s mad at you. Just terribly worried.” He exchanged a look with Yamapi.

“You two must be hungry now, ne?” Koyama said. “We asked the staff to bring more food, since Massu ate your bentos.”

“You didn’t have to tell them that!” Massu pouted, making everyone laugh.

The group once again sat around the table. While Yamapi and Tegoshi had lunch, they chatted, laughed and played with each other, just like old times. Yamapi took a moment to watch Tegoshi. The boy definetely seemed better than before. He still ate too little (Massu finished the rest for him), but even so Yamapi was glad. He didn’t know what was Tegoshi’s problem, but the talk they had made him feel relieved. Yamapi was sure that, whatever the problem was, they would be able to solve it together and move on.

“Just have to wait for the concert to finish”, Yamapi thought, smiling distractedly at Tegoshi. “Just a little bit more.”

* * *

They arrived at the dressing room exhausted but obviously happy. The concert was a success and the tour had finally ended.

Yamapi waited for Tegoshi to finish packing his stuff. They said good-bye to the others and headed to the parking lot, where Yamapi’s car was.

Once inside the car, Yamapi said, “We need a place where we can talk freely.”

Tegoshi didn’t say anything, he just looked down at his hands.

Yamapi continued. “Oh, I know. We should get something to eat. You’re still too skinny.”

When he was about to turn on the engine, Tegoshi said, “Wait.”

Yamapi looked at him and sat back, waiting.

“I think we should talk here.”

“Here?” Yamapi blinked. “In the car?”

Tegoshi nodded quietly.

“Why?”

“It’s better if we don’t go anywhere yet.” Tegoshi said with a trembling voice. “It will depend on your reaction.”

“Um, right.” Yamapi was still confused, but agreed anyway.

He saw Tegoshi open and close his mouth various times, uncertain of what to say. When he finally gathered the courage, he took a deep breath and said, “I like you.”

Yamapi’s heart skipped a beat. He automatically replied, “I like you too.”

Tegoshi looked at him surprised, then laughed.

“Yamashita-kun… what I meant is I really like you.” A short pause. “I love you.”

Yamapi was too stunned to say anything. So he wasn’t wrong about Tegoshi’s feelings. But there was still a thing he didn’t understand.

Because Yamapi wasn’t speaking, Tegoshi said, “If you want me to step out of the car now, I’ll totally understand.” He looked away from Yamapi. “I’ll go and never bring up this subject ever again.”

“Tegoshi.” Yamapi suddenly turned to him. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

“I said I didn’t want to trouble you…”

“No.” Yamapi’s mind was racing. “What I meant is why did you make yourself suffer like that for all this time instead of telling me?”

Tegoshi looked down, blushing.

“Yamashita-kun, you’re my senpai, the person I admire the most. When I realized I had feelings for you, I didn’t know what to do.” He paused, breathing hard. “I thought there was no way you would like me back, or that you’d be so disgusted that you’d never talk to me again. So I… I decided to just hide my feelings and try to forget it. But I failed that too…” His voice broke, and his eyes were filling with water. “That’s why I lost my will to eat and to go out and to do anything else… I’m really sorry.”

Tegoshi closed his eyes and let the tears roll down his face. He was ready to hear his rejection and go home to cry some more, but what he heard next was the car starting and Yamapi began to drive.

They rode for while, and the silence was killing Tegoshi. He looked at Yamapi, who seemed totally normal and calm.

“Yamashita-kun.” His voice was trembling again and he tried to calm down. “Where are we going?”

Yamapi didn’t answer him right away. He took a few turns, and when they stopped at a red light, he turned to Tegoshi.

“First of all, you’re going to stop calling me ‘Yamashita-kun’. At least when it’s just the two of us, otherwise it’d be too weird.” He paused, and started to drive again.

“Second, I’m going to take you to a doctor to treat that eating disorder, and I will control all your meals to see if you are doing it correctly.”

Another pause. A deep breath.

“And third, whenever we have a free schedule, you and I are going out on a date.”

Yamapi slowed down and parked in front of a restaurant. The engine was turned off and it got silent inside the car. Yamapi looked to his side and saw Tegoshi with an extremely pale face.

“Are you all right, Tegoshi?” He asked, worried.

Tegoshi looked at him like he was crazy. “Are… are you serious about all that?”

Yamapi laughed. Tegoshi looked really cute when he was nervous. Well, he looked really cute all the time.

“I wasn’t joking when I said that I like you.” He smiled. “Now let’s go grab something to eat. I’m starving and you need food more than me.”

Yamapi then left the car and patiently waited for Tegoshi to wipe his tears before he got out.

Before they entered the restaurant, Yamapi pulled Tegoshi into a hug, and whispered in his ear.

“Just to be safe, I’ll say it again: I love you.”

________________

This was the first and so far the only one-shot I've written. What did you guys think? Good? Bad? Terrible? Should I just give up writing? XD

Please comment! ♥

この涙 星になれ☆

Health and Happiness (Tegoshi x Yamapi)

この涙　星になれ☆